If it’s expected, why does it hurt so much?

I suggested to my dad we need to bring her to the vet. It’s been many days she hasn’t eaten, and my mum had to literally force food down her throat since then. A stark contrast to what was some time ago. She will meow, she will nudge my legs, and she will do whatever it takes to make us feed her. Can’t things go back to what it once was?

We may have seen the last days of her.

Dr Nathalene suggested giving her a blood test. It cost $55. Money wasn’t a problem. It was a moral dilemma, but at 15 years old, the equivalent of 70+ human age, there are simply some things we can’t escape from. As it turned out, her kidneys are malfunctioning. The test results showed that she’s at least 6 times past the healthy range. My heart sank, my heart never sinks…

She was advised to put on drip. It will cost a few hundred bucks. Again money is no issue. Another moral dilemma. If after 2 days things can’t get better, doctor says that she may have reached the end of her road. What can we do? What were we supposed to do? I can see the red in my dad’s eyes. I can feel mine.

We left the place without her. Without her clinging and sinking her emaciating paws into me because she was scared. The drive back home may as well be forever. We started talking about some shared memories with her but our eyes never met. She’s not just a cat, not just a pet, she’s that thread that ties my family up, the last puzzle that completes the jigsaw. My close friends know her, my relatives all know her. She’s part of the family.

It’s been 15 years and we can’t possibly expect to squeeze more life out of her. Greedily, we hope we can. But when my dad suggested that we should put her to sleep if the intensive drip doesn’t help, I knew we have to prepare ourselves for the worst somehow. These past years whenever she fell sick, we would say things such as she’s old, and that she’s dying, as if doing so can prevent the inevitable. The rest of the road trip was spent talking about the most meaningless of things.

Fighting the tears, I reached home and tell my mum about the bad news because some one has to do that. Then I went into the bathroom and cry my hearts out.

I hope she can sleep well tonight.

Filed under: Life

Where is ESR3?

Turns out it stands for Executive Seminar Room 3. I was supposed to attend a networking event with Monitor in that obscure room today at 12.30. It’s not the best of time, being right after tax class. It involves a habitual staying back in class for 10-15mins to organise my thoughts on yet another 2 hours of mind-boggling tax principles. Me and tax is quite a love-hate affair.

Of course I would be late. Of course I wouldn’t find the way there on time (who the hell knows what ESR is, much less where it is). Of course I would find my way only after touring S3 and S4 like a headless chicken for 30 mins. Of course I would reach that place all drenched up in sweat. Of course the room was already fully seated with the impeccably dressed students and professionals. Of course I wouldn’t enter it.

Sent a mail to Thomas to apologise for not attending the event. But it sure beats having a all-flustered student entering the room 45 mins late, with his back pack and a dangling Nike water bottle.

Of course it would.

Filed under: Life

Change of habits

I never thought that would be possible.

I changed my sleeping habits this week.

Life has been insanely busy. After getting back home at an average of 6-7pm everyday, I am pretty much allergic to homework and readings. But me being me, would never allow myself to attend a lesson without doing something. Sucks to be me.

So I woke up at 6-7am every day to get some readings done before attending classes. Clean. Rinse. Repeat.

A couple of good news made things easy. A friend told me I am in the Dean’s list (the exchange trick worked), while another showed me the proof. But I still have trouble navigating the website to see it for myself. A fellow friend who applied to Bain told me he’s been rejected through email. It seems I haven’t receive such news yet.

Accenture networking was 4 hours ago. It’s BCG next in 18 hours time.

Filed under: Life

A measure of strength

There are different facets of mental strength.

Grit. Determination. Resolve. Irritating tinkling sweat.

Mental strength associated with sports, especially that of the individual kind, must take the cake. On the court, it’s you against your opponent. It’s you against the opposing supporters. It’s sometimes you against your own supporters.

With the weight of the entire 4.5 million behind, support is at times weight. I hated the gratuitous media pressure. It’s just a medal, no matter how 48-years-late it is. A medal- something to show you did something right in the Olympics. Not a matter of life and death.

If I am Singapore Table Tennis coach, I would have simple words for the girls. 

Take a bow, girls!

Go enjoy the occasion. Bask yourself in the glory. Go climb the Great Wall. Go take pictures with Michael Phelps.

Just do your best.

And shout! Do what the Koreans do a lot and make a laugh out of it! Intimidate the hell out of them!

It is amazing how apparent the pressure was . Both Li Jiawei and Wang Yuegu, 2 players expected to win their individuals, buckled under pressure. But when in the comforting presence of each other during the doubles match-up, they absolutely trounced the opponents. Feng Tianwei, the supposed weakest link, and possibly with the least pressure among the team, won 2 games to clinch us ‘the medal’. 

I can’t deny the victory, something I sit through 4 hours for, is sweet. But it is obvious stress is eating our players alive. Some players adore it, some don’t. Our players seem to fall under the latter.

When told that President Bush was there to watch his swim, Michael Phelps thought it was ‘pretty cool’. 

I think we should hire him as coach.

Filed under: Sports

Migrate

So my blog has shifted.

It is really just a matter of time. The previous blog was first started with the intention to put down my thoughts about my army days, and partly, to put down some of my frustration with the people there. Looking back, perspectives have changed, and there are stuffs I may have wrote but no longer feel the need to be associated for.

Over the few years, changes happen. My blog needs changes. Changes are good. I like changes.

WordPress seems incredibly neat with really good interface. It’s like the new kid on the block, the Mac in the computer world, the Safari and Firefox in the internet browser world. But someone will still swear by the Internet explorer, the PC, the Blogspot, the old kid.

But have I mentioned what I thought about changes yet?

Filed under: Thoughts